Courting a Girl – How to Approach a Girl

Today, let’s talk about a very important skill to have when it comes to courting a girl – the approach. To maximize your chances of success, you will need to know how to approach a girl naturally and break the ice confidently. In short, the key to any successful approach (for the purpose of trying to court a girl) is being natural and confident.

However, for the purpose of today’s discussion, our focus will strictly be on how to approach a girl in a natural manner i.e. we will leave the topic on how to build confidence for a future post.

For most people, the main fear or obstacle to the approach is really how to break the ice. Some will try overly hard, even resorting to pick-up lines in hope of finding success or impressing the girl. Allow us to let you in on a little secret; pick-up lines are unnecessary and most probably a bad idea. In addition, the harder you stress yourself up trying, the more likely you will fail. Why? Because you will appear stressed and nervous and it will show in both your voice and body language. She, on the other hand, will easily pick out such signals and in the process develop a negative first impression of you, thus significantly reducing your chances of ever courting her.


How then do you approach a girl? 

Just make use of the surrounding environment; it’s that simple. By that we mean to observe your subject and her surrounding for anything interesting which you can then use to start a conversation with her. Then confidently approach her and casually open up with a general comment (based on whatever conversation worthy topics you manage to think of, pertaining either to your subject or whatever she is doing, wearing or even her surroundings). To encourage conversation, you should end your comment with a question.

Take for example, you are at a park and there happen to be a girl there walking her dog. You have taken a fancy towards her and would like to approach her. To break the ice, you can simply approach her saying, “That’s a nice dog; what breed is it?”

Or if you are in a bookstore and see this girl you wish to approach, simply go to her and say, “Hi, I am scouting for a birthday gift for a friend and noticed you browsing through (author’s name) books. See, my friend happens to be a fan of (author’s name) as well but I am totally unfamiliar with his novels. Can I have your opinion on which title I should consider getting and why?

As can be seen, the key is to make conversation with a topic inspired by the subject or her surroundings.  Thus, in addition to being relevant to your subject or her surrounding, your chosen opening line must be conversation worthy (i.e. likely to trigger a conversation) as well.  With such an approach, the ice would easily be broken, allowing you to effortlessly continue your conversation with her.

Don’t forget though to introduce yourself once the conversation gets going. Simply extend your hand and say, “Hi, I am (your name) and you are?”

Meanwhile, here are some pointers to note when introducing yourself:

  1. When shaking hands, do so firmly, confidently, with eye contact and a warm friendly smile. That said, be careful though not to crush her hands; and
  2. Be sure to pay attention and remember her name when she tells you.


Why This Manner of Approach?


  1. It sounds natural, is non-threatening and will not put the girl on a defensive. Instead, if you approach her confidently, with a nice warm and friendly smile, you are very likely to leave a good first impression with should be your main goal during the approach stage of the courtship process; when courting a girl, a good first impression is half the battle won; and
  2. If the girl is just offering a one to two word response to your questions, is not very friendly or if her response is far from enthusiastic, you can simply move on without the feeling of being outright rejected; you have after all only asked her some simple questions and it is alright if she does not feel in the mood to answer.


Finally, if the conversation is going real well, take the opportunity to ask her out and in the process get her phone number. If you need help or tips in this area, simply refer to our blog post How to Court a Girl – Asking her Out. This is especially important if you are unlikely to bump into her again.

Click here for our recommendation, if you need additional help on courting a girl

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